Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I Ran Today

How 'bout me! 6 miles early in the morning with Eddie the Coonhound. Swam too! 45 minutes during Simon's swim class.

I ran and thought about my lost job. I quit my newspaper blog officially today. It's one thing to say you are going to quit your job. It's easy. Every reason in the world sounds valid and true. But to actually cut that cord, well, that's another thing.

I am absolutely ready to move on from that parenting blog. My kids are getting too big for me to be sharing their stories all around town. Their stories belong to them now. And the very public comments on were getting horrendous. Someone called me a dorkface. Me! I am so the opposite of a dorkface.

But still. We did have some good times, that job and me. I loved it when I first got it. And I loved it for about 4 years. But I feel like I have run out of things to say. And I am self-censoring way too much with ear cocked to the comments. It's like running with the brakes on. Writing handcuffed.

So I'm on to other things. But during my run this morning I took a few moments to mourn the lost job. Making anecdotes out of my life helped give meaning to the toddler years. Made it seem like there was a reason (a good reason) why I was apoplectic over lost boots or brain dead from one too many games of Candy Land. It gave my brain cells a few minutes to stretch every morning. Brace themselves for the day.

But I don't have babies or toddlers anymore. So I'm moving on. To what, I don't know. Graphic novel? Longer articles? Stories? I think it would be fun to write fiction. To not be tied to the truth all the time. Take wing every now and then.

But I need time to figure it all out. I need to allow myself that time. Chill. Take a break. Sleep.

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